Read this first for more details on the repair process by Dr. John Grey.
Below is how to respond to a Repair Statement. There are 3 steps: repeat, apologize, reassure. Doing these shows empathy. This helps to emotionally repair the upset feelings that got triggered.
(Always speak slowly and look into your partner's eyes.)
1. REPEAT. Repeat back what you remember. Focus on the core feeling, fear, and need. Then ask:
"Is there anything I got wrong or left out?"
If you forgot anything, just repeat what your partner tells you.
2. APOLOGIZE. Slowly say just the following sentence, sincerely, into your partner's eyes:
"I’m so sorry I hurt you."
Don't add anything. Repeat it 3 times, but pause 30 seconds between each rep.
Closely track your partner's facial responses during these pauses.
3. REASSURE. Say one simple sentence that reassures your partner's core need and takes away the fear.
As before, say just the one sentence, then wait, watch, and repeat 3 times.