Hazal Selçuk, Relationship Coach

Hazal Selçuk, MA, MFA, MFTI joins John Grey, PhD in co-leading special, extra-small Group Retreats as well as special, select Private Retreats. She also conducts Private Retreats on her own.

Additionally, Hazal offers relationship coaching sessions via Skype, including follow-up sessions to practice and integrate tools acquired during retreats.

John and Hazal are a superb team and together they present an especially dynamic and powerful retreat experience.

Combining complementary backgrounds and representing both genders, they offer a broad range of tools and skills to meet your needs.

Hazal also excels at working with individuals and groups around relationship issues.

For more info call Hazal at (707) 787-1967 or email her now

Hazal received her MA in Counseling Psychology from the California Institute of Integral Studies (CIIS). She has training in the Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy (PACT).  Having a wide range of experience, her background includes working at Langley Porter Psychiatric Institute. In addition to her private practice as a relationship coach, Hazal works at the Lomi Clinic in Sonoma County.

Hazal’s approach is informed by current neuroscience and attachment research as applied to how partners in intimate relationships can function securely and sustain lasting happiness and satisfaction. Hazal has extensive training in expressive arts and drama therapy. She brings warmth, embodiment, and playfulness into her work.

Her work with couples and individuals is based on the principle that we all want to be seen, heard and understood, especially by the ones we love the most. Whether we fight over small things, or one of the big four — sex, money, domestic life or parenting — if we become stuck, entangled or estranged from our partner, it impacts our entire quality of life.

With Hazal’s help, many clients discover how within minutes of getting in a fight — or even seconds — that what’s really driving their distress boils down to a some very basic yet unspoken questions, like: “Do I matter to you?” “If I hurt, do you care?” “Do you accept me just as I am?” or “Can I depend on you?”

The tools Hazal gives to people enable them to overcome reactive cycles and resolve their issues, both large and small. Instead of escalating into states of emotional upset or shutting down, with her guidance, partners learn to repair upsets, speak from their hearts, and express what they need in effective ways that enable them to feel loved, respected, and connected.

Re-Wiring for Sustained Happiness and Love

People can struggle with relationships for a long time. Like many, they may find high-quality love almost impossible to sustain long term, but instead find themselves reacting more and more over time. Little things turn into major fights, in ways that make no rational sense.

Resulting emotional wounds never heal, but instead can create walls between them. People fall under the spell of primitive parts of their brains which act out increasingly destructive patterns. They fall into states of fight, flight or freeze, even blowing up or shutting down.

vineyard-mountains-fog

Such reactive patterns are entirely unconscious. They operate without our conscious permission or understanding. They connect back to our early wiring — wiring that subsequently influences the way we see, think about and act in our relationships for our whole lives.

The only way to change this is to consciously become aware of what these patterns really are and learn new tools to overcome them.

You are not doomed to simply repeat these patterns throughout life. It’s important to realize that our ongoing pain is actually the product of a long lineage of unintended faulty wiring — and that we have the power to transform this as adults in our chosen relationship.

By understanding the underlying mechanics of human bonding and how our wiring shapes the way we each attend to that bonding, we create the possibility for growth. Literally. Brains are plastic. This is called neuroplasticity, or the ability of the brain to change its wiring with the right experiences.

With compassionate and skillful guidance from Hazal, you will develop a new awareness of the underlying mechanics in how you engage in relating so that you can experience a healthy relationship — a whole new way of relating that naturally encourages safety, trust and freedom.

Loving, lasting change is possible.

For more info call Hazal at (707) 787-1967 or email her now