Hazal Selçuk, MA, MFA, AMFT (Associate Marriage and Family Therapist) is a relationship coach. She conducts private couples retreats in Sonoma County.
Hazal co-leads all group couples retreats with John. In addition, she joins John in offering special two-on-two private retreats. She also offers online relationship coaching sessions for couples and individuals.
Hazal is the lead follow-up coach for Healing Couples Retreats. She provides follow-up sessions to help participants apply and master the tools they acquire in a retreat once they are back home.
A retreat co-led by John and Hazal offers an especially dynamic and powerful learning experience. Combining complementary backgrounds and representing both genders, they provide a broad range of tools and skills to meet your needs.
In addition to her work with couples, Hazal also excels at working with individuals and groups around relationship issues.
About Hazal Selçuk
Hazal received her MA in Counseling Psychology from the California Institute of Integral Studies (CIIS). She also has extensive training in the Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy (PACT).
Having a wide range of experience, her background includes working at Langley Porter Psychiatric Institute. In addition to her private practice as a relationship coach, Hazal works at the Lomi Psychotherapy Clinic in Sonoma County as an Associate Marriage and Family Therapist.
Hazal’s approach is informed by current neuroscience and attachment research as applied to how partners in intimate relationships can function securely and sustain lasting happiness and satisfaction. Hazal has extensive training in expressive arts and drama therapy. She brings warmth, embodiment, and playfulness into her work.
Her work with couples and individuals is based on the principle that we all want to be seen, heard and understood, especially by the ones we love the most. Whether we fight over small things, or big issues — if we become stuck, entangled or estranged from our partner, it impacts our entire quality of life.
With Hazal’s help, many clients discover how within minutes of getting in a fight — or even seconds — that what’s really driving their distress boils down to a some very basic yet unspoken questions, like: “Do I matter to you?” “If I hurt, do you care?” “Do you accept me just as I am?” or “Can I depend on you?”
The tools Hazal gives to people enable them to overcome reactive cycles and resolve their issues, both large and small. Instead of escalating into states of emotional upset or shutting down, with her guidance, partners learn to repair upsets, speak from their hearts, and express what they need in effective ways that enable them to feel loved, respected, and connected.
“Allow us to express our gratitude for helping us with what matters the most in our lives. We are holding the wisdom you’ve shared with us very close to our hearts, as it has been guiding us.
“We have been very supportive of each other and have effectively put in practice your tools. Many things have happened as a result. We realize our partner is there to support us. We find what we need in our partner.
“We are quite surprised by how deep your teachings have touched us, allowing us to feel safe together, calming our fears at the very moment in which they are triggered — or as soon as it becomes possible.
“A big, sincere ‘Thank You!'”
—H and M
Re-Wiring for Sustained Happiness and Love
People can struggle with relationships for a long time. Like many, they may find high-quality love almost impossible to sustain long term, but instead find themselves reacting more and more over time. Little things turn into major fights, in ways that make no rational sense.
Resulting emotional wounds never heal, but instead can create walls between them. People fall under the spell of primitive parts of their brains which act out increasingly destructive patterns. They fall into states of fight, flight or freeze, even blowing up or shutting down.
Such reactive patterns are entirely unconscious. They operate without our conscious permission or understanding. They connect back to our early wiring — wiring that subsequently influences the way we see, think about and act in our relationships for our whole lives.
The only way to change this is to consciously become aware of what these patterns really are and learn new tools to overcome them.
You are not doomed to simply repeat these patterns throughout life. It’s important to realize that our ongoing pain is actually the product of a long lineage of unintended faulty wiring — and that we have the power to transform this as adults in our chosen relationship.
By understanding the underlying mechanics of human bonding and how our wiring shapes the way we each attend to that bonding, we create the possibility for growth. Literally. Brains are plastic. This is called neuroplasticity, or the ability of the brain to change its wiring with the right experiences.
With compassionate and skillful guidance from Hazal, you will develop a new awareness of the underlying mechanics in how you engage in relating so that you can experience a healthy relationship — a whole new way of relating that naturally encourages safety, trust and freedom.
Intensive Private Retreats with Hazal
Hazal’s weekend private retreats are six hours a day for each of the two days. Each day is comprised of two 3-hour sessions with a relaxing lunch break in between. In certain situations, day-long retreats are also possible.
Retreats take place in the lovely small town of Sebastopol in Sonoma County, home of the wine country.
During your time together with Hazal, you will address your particular challenges and needs as a unique couple. You will come away with new experiences, frameworks, tools and a new set of custom-designed agreements to help consolidate the progress you make in a highly practical way that you can take home with you. And follow-up sessions with Hazal are also available in person and via Skype.
Loving, lasting change is possible.