We often focus on the little things in relationships. Our interactions with a partner tend to center on practical matters. Our attention moves from one activity or chore to another, as an unending list of things call out to be done.
This daily focus serves us much of the time. Yet we do have larger priorities in life, too. If our attention is habitually absorbed with the small, everyday activities, we may ignore our larger priorities and neglect to act on them, which may lead us to feel resentful and dissatisfied.
When we have such negative feelings, our long habit of focusing on little things may be so ingrained that we still don’t see the bigger picture. Continuing to be diverted by trivial matters, we don’t recognize what is truly going on. Instead, we may complain about this or that little thing, expressing our resentments through conflicts over who said what, who should have done what, or how it wasn’t done right. And we never reach the real issues or arrive at satisfaction.
The card SHARED VISION warns you not to lose sight of the bigger picture! It is too easy to keep busy with the little things – and ignore your larger priorities. Whenever you feel resentment, irritation, or dissatisfaction in a relationship, this card suggests expanding beyond your everyday focus. Find out if a major issue is crying to be heard!
Your major priorities include whatever you truly value in life – things like having kids or not, your ideal habitat, your true passions, your life’s work, and whatever inspires you or is deeply satisfying to you. It could be personal growth, making a difference in this world, or spending time in nature. It may involve spiritual pursuits or expressing your creativity. These are the important things that make your life worth living.
Let your imagination explore what makes a real difference in your life. Beyond material goals or daily acts, what is it that truly nurtures your soul? The card SHARED VISION invites you to look at how your relationship fits with your larger priorities for living. It is good to explore this, even if you aren’t having any problems with your partner. How does your relationship fit with what’s truly important to you? How does it support your major priorities? Do you and your partner share certain priorities? Are there any more that you could potentially share? Do you have priorities that your relationship seems to not support, to inhibit, or to conflict with?
This card encourages you to discuss your answers with your partner in a respectful and constructive way. If there are areas of seeming conflict between your true priorities and what’s going on in your relationship, discuss what is at the root of it – for each of you. Find out if you have overlooked any positive options that could start to resolve this conflict and bring your relationship and priorities back into alignment.
Next, discuss the ways that your relationship does support or is in harmony with your major priorities. Explore your shared vision – the meaningful things you do have in common. Let yourselves acknowledge the positive energy this common vision inspires in you. Know that this source of inspiration, your shared vision, can help you, as partners, to move through even the most challenging of times together.
By John Grey, PhD