Are Virtual Retreats as Effective?

Actually, they often have been even more effective! That surprised us, too…

Since March 2020, we’ve been conducting virtual retreats using Zoom. All have been successful far beyond our clients’ expectations. You can see this in their own words: What couples are saying about their virtual retreats.

At the bottom of this page, we also show excerpts from couples who were initially skeptical and hesitant to work with us online rather than in person.

When you read the client feedback you can see that we’ve suffered no limitations to our effectiveness using Zoom. In fact, many couples ended up seeing major advantages in having done their retreats virtually.

And these couples were not merely dealing with light-weight problems, either. On the contrary, we helped them heal heavy issues like affairs, infidelity, and lying.

We helped couples who had been disconnected emotionally, avoiding each other, building up walls of resentment, or living like room-mates for years. We helped couples stuck in long term conflicts and fighting, or who were perenially bickering over everything. We helped couples who already had filed for divorce.

We helped these couples successfully, every bit equal in effectiveness to the in-person work we have delivered for decades in our intensive retreats. That said, we are only doing private retreats. We do not think virtual group retreats would be effective.

Why Is Our Virtual Work Often Better?

Often our virtual retreats have been even more effective and efficient than what we could have done in person. We were at first quite puzzled by this. We always assumed that in-person work was superior. That turned out to be an erroneous assumption.

But as we thought it more, we came to see why. There are several tools and techniques we utilize in our unique approach to working with couples that actually get strengthened when presented virtually.

One thing that distinguishes our work is that we have a tool-based approach. We deliver to couples new and powerful communication tools that get positive results. In this way, we educate and coach partners to communicate more effectively and productively.

In conveying this information, we utilize a strong psycho-educational component in our program. This component appears to have increased effectiveness when delivered virtually. Couples are learning the tools more rapidly and efficiently.

This leads couples to more quickly emotionally repair their relationship wounds; to collaborate better as a team; to enable each other to feel heard, respected, and valued; and to renew their positive feelings and connection with each other.

There’s another component we emphasize in our approach that virutal work also makes stronger. It lies in the fact that effective communication is a face-to-face process.

Literally, it’s face-to-face, even eye-to-eye. Thus, improving communication can only truly happen if partners are facing each other.

So, the more we can coach from the sidelines, the more time partners can spend directly facing each other, improving their communication, resolving their issues as a team, and reconnecting emotionally.

Even with our in-person work, we strive to sit on the sidelines coaching the couple, who directly interface with each other, face-to-face. Only through this direct contact can deep communication, healing, and connection take place.

This is one of the key differentiators of our coaching approach. It’s the opposite of most typical marriage counseling, where partners spend much of their session time facing and communicating with and through the therapist.

Using Zoom actually strengthens our ability to coach from the sidelines. It promotes this aspect of our approach. When we’re on a screen, the couple turns to us less than when we are in the same room with them.

This means partners are able to stay more engaged with each other. They more quickly get comfortable staying face-to-face, eye-to-eye. Doing so, they then more rapidly and deeply improve their communication, understanding, and connection.

Yet another big advantage we found for virtual retreats over the in-person format has been increased flexibility in scheduling. This lets couples spread out their sessions. With in-person retreats, we do a pair of 3-hour sessions each day, for several days in a row. But virtual work offers clients more freedom and flexibility.

Some couples scheduled time between sessions to apply their new learnings to real-life situations. Then, informed by how that went, they got specific coaching in their next sessions. This helped them make even deeper changes.

Finally, some couples really benefitted from being in the comfort of their own home. They felt safer, more comfortable, and more, well, at home.

Several couples specifically commented on how the safety and comfort of being on their home ground helped them learn faster. Others mentioned that using the tools at home felt very real and relevant, more so than if they were saying in an unfamiliar place.

Feedback on the Effectiveness of Virtual Work

Here are excerpts from the feedback we got from couples many of whom were initially hesitant or skeptical about doing a virtual retreat. Several of them ended up finding reasons they thought the Zoom retreat was better than doing it in person.