-- Question for John --
I recently told a man how I felt about him. I fell in love with him at first sight. But I don’t know how he feels about me. We went out a few times and he told me that he had been in a relationship for 5 years, and that she was still jumping in and out of his life. Of course, I had him drive me home, and on the way he told me how easy it would be for him to fall in love with me. Now I’m wondering how he really feels.
He still comes around and says little things that he knows will make me think that he’s interested, and if he hears someone say that they want to introduce a certain friend to me, he stops and watches how I react. I’m not good at guessing, and I’m much too close to the source to make a reasonable call. Is this where I should ask directly, or just move on?
-- Answer from John --
If your choice is to ask directly or move on, I would probably recommend ask directly. My reasoning is this. If you just move on, for sure you will never know, and for sure it will be over. If you ask directly, you will have to take a risk of rejection. But taking a risk is actually a good thing. Because even after you get together with someone and start down the path of longterm relationship, what still comes up to block love is where we stop ourselves because we won’t take risks. So in generally, taking the risk is always my recommended preference.
If you ever have to decide between doing what is more frightening or just running, in most cases, do the more frightening thing. Otherwise you are letting your fears run your life. And love and fear are perhaps the opposite.
So if you take the risk, you may be rejected, but at least you will know for sure, and even thought it will be over, you won’t have to second guess why you didn’t ask or what he might have said, and, finally, you can be proud of yourself for facing a fear and taking a risk.
Oh, and not least of all, only if you take the risk is it possible for him to say yes and that after all, maybe, just maybe, this time you will get what you want.
No guarantee, of course. That’s why it’s risky. But unless you speak up, you do guarantee nothing will happen.
What do you think?