-- Question for John --
I’ve know this very special girl now for 7 months. When we started seeing each other she said she wasn’t looking for anything serious. Just the other day she asked me what I was hoping for with us. I told her I was holding back because of her not being ready, otherwise I could really fall for you! She said she doesn’t feel any chemistry with me.
Even though we have lots in common. Earlier that night we had just seen “Kate & Leopold” and she is a big Hugh Jackman fan. So I asked her what if I was him? Would you have chemistry with me then?? She said no. So we were both wondering exactly how much this has to do with her dedication to school? Is she perhaps just trying to keep me at bay? She even went on to tell me that when the time came for a serious relationship for her she (if I’m not around) would hope the man is as good as me?!! Plus for the majority of our relationship she has initiated flirting with me numerous times. So what’s a guy to think? I was thinking to ask her about the flirt thing and maybe tell her to close her eyes one day to get a big surprise and attempt to kiss her maybe to get a spark out of it. Whenever we’re together we always have a great time and still plan on it. Do I do anything for Valentine’s Day for her? I was planning just to not call her to see if she calls me. And if she doesn’t I would then just give her a call and a happy at the last minute…. Thanks for your time.
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-- Answer from John --
If she does not feel any chemistry for you that is probably the simple truth of the matter. If she felt the chemistry, school would probably not make too much of a difference. Maybe with time a kind of chemistry could arise. The question is whether you are willing to hang out and wait, knowing that this is only a chance, and not even knowing how to predict the probability of it? And maybe that magic spark could suddenly emerge with the right prompting by you. The question there is whether you are truly willing to take the risk that maybe the prompting would backfire and you would lose the friendship. I think she is telling you straight out what is true for her. The question is where you want to place yourself in that situation. The games you are suggesting at the end of your message do not sound like a fruitful path to take. As far as strategies, if you have not seen it, you might watch the movie “The Tao of Steve” and think about what it suggests.