-- Question for John --
I’ve been with my boyfriend for 6 months and sparks flew so much. I know he still checks out the ladies and I don’t care that he looks. He wants to have a threesome now but I don’t think that it would be good for our relationship but he doesn’t want to accept that. How do I make him see how that makes me feel even though I understand his need for experimentation?
What should I do? I know he loves me and he’s not intending to hurt me… He’s just being brutally honest as always.
-- Answer from John --
Since he is brutally honest, that is an invitation for you to match. Tell him honestly exactly how you feel about doing that, be true and authentic to yourself, don’t just try to please him, and, if he really wants to do a threesome, tell him he is absolutely free to go find two other ladies to do it with, and be brutally honest with him about the probable consequences as to how you will feel if he does. I have yet to hear about a threesome that was not eventually a relationship-breaker, by the way. You probably already understand that. He doesn’t. And possibly he needs to grow a whole lot more before he is truly ready for an authentic and congruent commitment. You might just be wise to cut him lose and tell him to come find you at some later time when he has sown sufficient oats to know the reality you already grasp. You do want an equal, right? Sparks are great for awhile but they don’t serve as a foundation for longterm happiness.
