I only get his undivided attention with sex

-- Question for John --

I’m in a somewhat of a relationship with a guy for 7 months now. He said I am someone he can count on, and we talk to each other every day and see each as often as we can. The problem is that I do everything for the relationship. The only time I have his undivided attention is when we are having sex. He still says I’m his friend. Is this relationship going anywhere? I love him.

-- Answer from John --

A relationship based on one-sided giving will never change until the giver changes it. Your fear of losing him is possibly what keeps you locked into this one-sided situation. I don’t know if the relationship can get beyond this level of interaction, because you are probably unable to change what you are doing, out of fear of losing the one you love. Generally, this kind of one-sided relationship reaches a point where the giver feels totally burned out — or her self-esteem gets so low that she is no longer attractive to the other person, and then they leave her. People naturally want a more equal relationships. You do. And he does. He will respond more to a challenging relationship than to “old faithful” — the gal he can always count on for a sexual fix. The only thing you can do to change this is to change yourself. You are the key ingredient in how this relationship is running. But to change you need to be prepared to face the risk of losing the relationship.