I feel insecure and possessive

-- Question for John --

I’m 24 and have been with my girlfriend for about a year now. She is everything I want, and I truly feel I have found my soulmate. However, I have these intense feelings of insecurity. I have this fear of losing her and feeling very paranoid when she goes somewhere without me, thinking that she is seeing other guys.

She has never cheated on me and have always been honest with me. I feel bad for feeling this way because I don’t want to be possessive because that may drive her away. What do I do?

-- Answer from John --

I have worked with many men who realize they have this kind of insecurity and it is something you can get help in changing. Left to run on its own steam, it will turn you into a possessive monster — and a woman will eventually sense the need to distance from you or even break up with you as you get more insecure, which will only make you even more insecure. The only solution is for you to take charge of yourself and get some expert help in overcoming this inner thing. You can learn to work with it and change it. You will be happier and your relationships will be healthier. Find a personal coach or counselor to work with if you want to change it.