I am attracted to another guy

-- Question for John --

I’ve been with my boyfriend for a year. Recently I met this guy. Well, I really like this guy and I think he likes me too. I don’t know what to do because I really love my boyfriend but we argue so much and we don’t get along half the time. I don’t know if I should stay with my boyfriend and try to work things out or if I should give this other guy a chance?

I don’t want to ruin what me and my boyfriend have but I think I’m kind of too young to be with the same person already. I really don’t know what to do. I keep thinking about this other person all the time and it’s hard for me to be around my boyfriend and he lives with me, so that makes it harder. Well, what do you think I should do? Stay with my boyfriend and be unhappy, or try to be with this other guy?

-- Answer from John --

You are young and you certainly could justify getting more experience in order to learn what you truly want in a life partner. This would contribute to your education and wisdom in making a real commitment.

Consider this. Just because you are asking me this very question, I know that you are not committed to your boyfriend. If you were committed, you would not be asking the question. But you might think about why are you living with someone to whom you are not committed? That would be an extremely important question for you to reflect on. And use this as an educational experience. Learn what true commitment is. Do you really want to be in a living together situation when you are not really committed? I’d suggest that maybe the timing is wrong. You might think about that in the future — and take things a little slower next time.

About your other question, the arguing thing. This is a very strong indicator that you personally have not yet developed good communication skills. Sure, maybe he starts the arguments, I don’t know how that goes. But the very fact that you and he end up in arguments tells me that you have some education in the communication department ahead of you. Without that education, you cannot count on being able to resolve arguments in any relationship in the future.

Since this is an educational period of your life — with regards to relationship — then, if you truly ever want to have a longterm happy relationship work out in the future — I cannot overemphasize the importance of you developing the right communication skills.