-- Question for John --
I have been seeing a guy for about a month and a half. We both agree on not rushing into a relationship, but letting things grow. He just got out of a seven year relationship with his daughters mother (10 months ago). I just got out of 8 month relationship that resulted into a 4 month old baby boy, 5 months ago. He left a shirt and a jacket in my closet. I gave them back.
The next day he brought them back. This time he left two shirts and two jackets. One jacket to hang back up, and one to wear home. That’s not funny! Lately his attitude has changed. He doesn’t do the little things anymore. I bring it to his attention, and he says that I’m tripping. He makes me feel like I’m not the only one. I don’t have any proof. Should I move on, or give him the benefit of the doubt? I like him a lot, but I’m not looking to get my heart broken every two to three months. What should I do?
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-- Answer from John --
You need to make your boundaries clear at this stage.
You are right to fear repeated heartbreak. You had 3 1/2 months on your own after your relationship. How much time is that to digest what went wrong, learn from it and emotionally heal? I don’t know that it is enough time for you… never mind him and a seven year relationship. What evidence do you have that he as figured out what went wrong with it, what his part was, and to learn and heal?
If people just try to jump from one relationship to the next, as quickly as possible so they don’t have to feel the pain of loss and the emptiness inside, to fill the hole up… then they are just digging the hole deeper and deeper.
Take it slow. Take it easy. And make your boundaries absolutely clear to this man. Then keep them clear.