-- Question for John --
I have met a guy and we have been talking for 4 weeks now. I know that is a short amount of time, but we both feel that there is something “unspoken” about our relationship. We say that we are friends who have strong feelings and emotions for one another. I truly believe that he is my true soulmate, but I also don’t want to rush our relationship.
We have both come out of a relationship and are now giving our “friendship” a chance to grow. With this recent man that I have met, I am happier, I have a whole new outlook on life, he is helping me to value the people and possessions I have because he also cherishes the things he has in his life.
While I am growing from the positive aspects and influences he has shown me, he also, is incorporating the positive influences that I have shown him. I know that we have strong feelings for one another, and we want our relationship to work out.
But I have a question… how can we “tell” that we are one another’s soulmate? Also, would it be wise to let him know how I feel about him being my soulmate? We are able to discuss our feelings openly, but I don’t want him to think that I am moving too fast! Plus, our relationship and feelings increase as each day passes. if I were to tell him this, and he is uncertain about me being his soulmate, he may “back-off” or decrease the amount of passion, emotion, and signs of appreciation that he shows me now.
-- Answer from John --
Perhaps you could just say that you really really like him and he feels very special to you.
As far as “telling” if you are soulmates at this point in the relationship, well, it depends upon which definition of “soulmate” you hold. The most popular ideas about soulmates is that you can tell immediately and then that means you will live happily ever after because you are finally with the perfect person — The One.
Unfortunately, that definition does not seem to hold water in real life. Since publishing my book called Relationship Tools for Positive Change we have met many ex-“soulmates” who split up with their soulmates. They said they deeply regret that, and it was due to not being able to handle some relationship issue that killed off their love — once their honeymoon stage ended and some problems or difficulties emerged.
So our interests in soulmates has more to do with what it takes to keep your love strong and healthy once the honeymoon is over — and the inevitable issues come up. Soulmates, just like all other couples, will have issues and potentially conflicting situations from time to time. It’s just that the heat is turned much higher on soulmates — because of the rarity of that level of love. And because the stakes are higher, it takes even more skill to create a lasting love with a soulmate.
So our definition of soulmate turns out to include a very important ingredient that the popular definition glosses over and would like to ignore. Our definition includes the idea that true soulmates are not just going to rest on the idea that being soulmates guarantees them happiness. They are going to pursue learning and growth so that they can face the inevitable challenges in love — and overcome them. We put it this way:
You know you are with a soulmate — when the two of you are both willing to face the challenges, grow and learn new ways to handle the tough spots, and deal with the difficult times.
You can only “tell” if enough time goes by — and you have actually faced and overcome some challenges together. Before that, it is really more of a sense of hope than a proven track record. After you have passed enough tests together — you will simply “know” it in your guts.
I hope that the two of you do turn out to be proven soulmates — over time — and that you do manage to face and overcome anything that love and life hands you. I wish you courage and skill to pass the tests of time.