-- Question for John --
Hi, I’m 28 years old. I met this great guy a few months ago. He keeps talking of marriage and having kids. My problem is I do not know how to tell him that I don’t want children. I never have wanted them and never will. I prefer to have a cat. What should I do?
-- Answer from John --
If you are as clear about this as you sound, then it is extremely important, quite urgent that you face this, and very simple. You simply tell him the truth. As soon as possible.
You say something like:
“You are a really great guy. And it’s obvious you want to have kids. And I have had a hard time facing this and telling you this, but I am absolutely certain that I do not want to have children in my life. We now need to look at this seriously, because ultimately, we cannot both have children and not have children.
“This is a common deal-killer for romantic relationships, no matter how strong the feelings of love, because there is no way to compromise on it without it really harming a relationship since one of us would have to end up giving up something far too important in our life to give up without it creating an unresolvable resentment.
“The reason I have not been able to talk about this until now is that it is going to be painful to let go of this relationship. And I am sorry that we are different on this. But we are, and we need to face it and figure out the wisest course of action from here.”