-- Question for John --
My boyfriend and I have been together for about 6 months. He was living with me for about 2 and then he moved back home with his mom. Now he won’t come and see me, I haven’t seen him in 3 weeks and we don’t even talk. He hasn’t broken up with me and is just keeping me in limbo. I don’t want to chase after him but I don’t know what to do.
I don’t understand why he just isn’t talking to me anymore. He told me he wants to spend the rest of his life with me but things have to be sorted out. That I don’t understand. What is going on here that I don’t understand and how do I go about fixing this problem without looking pathetic?
I mean if he didn’t want to see me anymore he could of just told me, but when I asked him that he said if he didn’t want to see me he would have told me that, so why aren’t we seeing each other. I’m soooo confused. Please give me some advice.
-- Answer from John --
I wish I could tell you something that would make sense of this. But I do recommend that you step back and just give him the space and time to do whatever it is he needs to do.
Unfortunately he has not really given you a lot to go on in terms of where the relationship is. I would no longer chase him in trying to get that information.
I would make giving him space a solid priority. And then you will need to look at whatever is going on inside of you that makes stepping back like that difficult.
This is really an opportunity for you to learn and grow and get ahold of yourself on a more solid basis emotionally. This is not a problem you need to fix in the relationship. There is nothing to do there.
It is an emotional issue of need you can face within yourself. And emerge from that uncomfortable self-examination with more strength and commitment to yourself.
I am not happy about the way in which he has split, the lack of communication, the unclarity. I am more concerned about you getting your own emotions together and getting centered and in control of your life.
This means really stepping back from this situation altogether in a rather big way, until you are more relaxed and centered in just being who you are — with no “him” that you are bouncing off of.
