He is dating someone, but asks me to wait

-- Question for John --

I really like this guy. We talked for awhile. He really liked me back a lot. Then one of his old flames called him up and told him she loved him and all that. Now they are dating. He says its only because he feels guilty for what he did to her in the past. He tells me he still likes me and please wait for him. I really want to but it might take awhile. Should I wait?

-- Answer from John --

OK. I don’t like the sound of this at all. So he’s like, what, “mercy dating” the old flame? Right. Do you believe this is what he is up to?

I don’t know what that says about him if he is telling you the truth. Nor do I know what it means if he is slightly exaggerating the case, so as to keep you on the hook as his backdoor exit from the old flame who’s on again.

If he is telling you the truth, then he obviously is not telling her the same story (is he?) in which case, he doesn’t tell the truth to the one he dates. Not a good sign, that.

And it also would mean that he does what he doesn’t really really want to do (i.e. date you) because he feels guilty. That sounds completely neurotic and inauthentic.

And it also has me wondering what he did to her in the past… and why he would not do that to you, in the future. OK, but what if he is actually not telling you the real truth here about why he is dating her?

Maybe he is just saying what might pass to keep you on the hook. Then, well, don’t expect much truth from him in the future. I don’t know.

Either way I look at this, it does not look as good to me as I imagine he looks to you. Go ahead and wait, if you like.

But I’d recommend you also make sure you are out there meeting and dating new guys while you are waiting, just as if you were carrying on your life and did not have a boyfriend (that’s the truth) and just as if this guy were not going to be a part of your future.

In other words, be open to someone even better. Maybe even someone who can speak the real truth to everyone concerned. Who knows, you may just meet a guy who can be authentic and real, which, by the way, is what it takes to have a healthy relationship.