-- Question for John --
My “ex” boyfriend and I broke up a week ago. He did something nobody should have done to their girlfriend’s sister. He told her to go f-off and the family too, in front of the movie theater, and in front of me. He didn’t meant it towards me he said. And last week, he grabbed for my left ring finger and told me to leave that one open (meaning he wanted to marry me).
And today I asked very nicely to talk to him and he said no really mean to me. My friends say that I don’t deserve that kind of treatment. And My dad visited his house yesterday to talk to his parents about it, very calmly, and he locked himself in his room, and at this time I was at work, knowing nothing about their visit until I was about to go to bed.
I wanted to tell him that when and if he grows up, that I want to go back with him and maybe we would get married. Because before… last week… I could still see us getting married, and now it’s blurry. I really love him… and won’t talk to him until he comes to me. Should I give up hope on him?
-- Answer from John --
You have gotten some very valuable information about the behavior you can expect from this boy. Ignore it at your own risk.
The way someone acts towards some people will eventually be used towards you if you are in relationship with him. That’s why a standard piece of advice for women is to watch how a man they are interested in behaves towards others. Because this is the behavior you can expect from that person. And you will eventually get it yourself. For instance, if you date a guy who treats the waitress at a cafe rudely, be warned — no matter how “sweet” he is to you right now, you will eventually be treated just as rudely by him.
I think there is every reason for your image of marrying him to get blurry right now. If you saw it more clearly, you would have to look at something you don’t really want to see about him… and you would see something that you really wouldn’t want to be in your future. Sorry to be so blunt, but you are old enough to start thinking about this kind of thing if you are already thinking about marriage. After all, you do want your marriage to be a happy one, right? If so, don’t just marry the first guy you fall in love with. You will need to look more clearly at how he behaves and whether that translates into something that will support a lasting happy marriage.